I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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