Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
