If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
