So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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