I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
