You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
