i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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