ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
