oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
