I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
