I accidentally had phone sex last night
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
