After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
