oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
