GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
