its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Bring me that man meat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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