if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
