Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize