I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize