note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
