Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
