Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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