Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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