I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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