so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
