WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
