and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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