he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
