It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
