I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
