btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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