yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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