maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
