Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
