I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
