Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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