I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
