JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
