do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
