my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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