I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
