Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize