At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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