I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
