She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
