North Korea, Best Korea!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
