you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
not ubering you a puppy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
