he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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