didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
