I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
