Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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