Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
