if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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