ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
