Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize