I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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