Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
