told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
