would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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