You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
