new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
