The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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