he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
