Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
