Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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