one might say we're banned from that church
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
