That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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