so that wasnt chicken after all
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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