I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
