I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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