we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize